Abortion and Men

photo credit: Spigoo

*Note. This was originally written on my facebook page, but I decided to also post it here. What follows is my opinion. I am pro-abortion, and have had an abortion myself. Trolls and hateful comments will not be tolerated.

The final project for my sociology class is a group debate. My group has to argue that a man has a right to prevent a woman from having an abortion. Personally, I’m opposed to such a thing, but for the debate I’ve had to look at some of the arguments for why a man should have say. If nothing else, doing so has only helped me to more finely set my own beliefs.

Here are my personal thoughts on the matter.

When it comes to human reproduction and parenting, I see three distinct areas. 1) pre-conception, the moments before and during sex that happen before the egg is fertilized. 2) Pregnancy itself, from the moment the egg attaches to the uterine lining until delivery. And 3) After birth, the raising and/or caring for the child.

I want to look at the first and last parts first.

Before pregnancy, both partners have equal risks and responsibility. Both partners enter into the sexual relationship knowing the risks of pregnancy and having access to ways to prevent said pregnancy. Now, of course, I’m talking perfect world here, and there are certainly plenty of instances when one person can void the other person’s ability to prevent said risk. But in a perfect world, both partners enter into the sexual relationship knowing the risk and having access to methods to prevent said risk. I see this as equal footing. If one partner wants a child while the other does not, they have the ability to abstain from sex or use protection to prevent pregnancy until that partner finds one that also wants a child, thus preventing the occurrence of the need for an abortion in the first place. Clearly, communication is key here and should be done before the act of sex happens. If a man wants a child, but the woman he is with does not, he can choose to not risk pregnancy with her. He has an equal choice in the matter.

Now, what about after birth? I think this too should be equal. Both parents assume (in a perfect world) the same risks and responsibilities that come with child raising. In most states, there are laws that allow a woman to safely leave her newborn child within a certain time frame at a designated safe place, thus choosing to void her responsibilities. Because childcare should (in a perfect world) be equal, a man should also be allowed to file within a certain amount of time comparable to that of the mother to have his paternal rights terminated if he so chooses. This would remove the risks and responsibilities from him in the same way. If at any time during the years of child raising, a woman has the ability to remove her child from her care (generally, adoption), the father should have that same right. However, choosing to do so at a later time should not void him of past responsibility. If it’s been 3 years, and he decides he doesn’t want the child, he should still owe the past three years of child support. Presumably, the woman in this case still had to provide some sort of care for the child during the time prior to placing it for adoption, and she is not given a refund on that care. The choice to later end responsibility, does not void past responsibility, only future responsibility. Both parents assume equal responsibility for the child, and if both parents are given equal ability to void such responsibilities, then both parents are on equal footing.

Of course, this brings me to pregnancy itself. While both parents are (or at least should be) on equal footing before and after this stage, the unfortunately reality of biology is that the woman carries the whole of the risks and responsibility during the pregnancy. She will face the physical strain that comes with pregnancy, as well as her actions affecting said pregnancy. For example, if a man with a pregnant wife goes out drinking, the alcohol he consumes does not affect the fetus. However, if the pregnant woman goes out drinking, the alcohol she consumes directly affects the fetus. If said pregnancy causes a dangerous spike in blood pressure, it is the woman who will suffer while the man faces no physical effects. Simply because pregnancy affects a woman’s body alone, she must face the weight of the risks and responsibility. Because she alone faces these risks and responsibilities, she alone should be given say in whether or not to continue the pregnancy.

While the risks and pregnancy and the responsibilities of child raising fall on both partners equally, the physical act of pregnancy falls solely on the mother.

Because of this I do not feel that the father has the right to force either an abortion or pregnancy upon a woman. He certainly should have the right to choose to prevent pregnancy, or to choose a partner who will continue a pregnancy with him. And after childbirth he should be given the right to parent said child or opt out of the responsibilities of such. But because during the act of pregnancy alone he bears none of the risks nor responsibilities, he does not have equal footing in which to make a case for equal say in the matter.

Now, if you want to argue for better laws that allow men to opt out of child raising or opt into parenthood, I am all for that. And I am certainly opposed to a person, whether the father or mother, to act in such a way that negates the other person’s ability to choose either option. And of course, there are examples on both sides of the line of an unscrupulous person acting in such a way as to void the other person’s ability to choose. I would love to hear ideas on how to prevent these specific incidences without affecting the rights of others (example: gun control. How do we stop criminals from having guns without preventing honest people from owning guns). But in the case of pregnancy itself, women hold the weight of the risks and responsibilities and therefore should be given the weight of the choice.

Is it equal, no. But then neither is biology. Find a way to create equal footing between the genders in this area, and then I’ll rethink my opinion.

Tags: abortion, men, women

Summer is a freelance writer and mother of 3, searching for herself amongst the Legos and blocks. After moving a couple hundred miles away from home, and fighting a few dragons, she's figuring out that she needs to be her own biggest fan to get through the world.


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