Life, Death, and My Mission Statement

photo credit: papalars

Today is my mom’s funeral.

I am writing this post slowly, in chunks, over the weekend, to save time and my sanity. When it does go live, hoping all goes well technology-wise, I will be somewhere on the highway trying to entertain three kids who hate long car trips and mentally debating the red and black top or the mauve and black top as being more funeral appropriate.

But that’s not really what I want to write about.

My mom’s death wasn’t sudden or unexpected, in fact it fell very near the middle of the five year expectancy they gave her when she began dialysis. And yet, there was so much left unsaid and undone. She wanted recent photos of the kids, but I put it off because I wanted to go to a nice photographer rather than stick the same old cheap pictures on the walls. I wanted to once, just one, hear “I’m sorry” come from her lips. I think we both wanted a formal chance to say goodbye like civilized adults.

So while I’m not mourning her death, I am mourning the moments that never came and the story I won’t get to tell when I’m old. All the family skeletons are being buried with her and I have to cope with the fact that there are parts of my history that I will never know. I worry that without piecing together the missing parts of my past I am somehow doomed to repeat her mistakes.

I was thinking about this Friday when I saw a post about creating a personal mission statement, and something felt right. It felt like the thing to do to as I move into my new role – daughter of the deceased. A personal mission statement is a statement of myself, my focus, my goals. It is a clear cut look at who I am, and who I want to be. These things are important, almost necessary, if I want to push myself forward,

photo credit: makelessnoise

The actual act of creating a personal mission statement is breathtakingly simple. It’s just writing down a few key points and arranging them into context. Figuring out those key points, however, is almost just as breathtakingly hard.

After reading several different directions for making a mission statement, I decided to begin with the obvious bit. Write down three positive characteristics that you have, and create action sentences on how you use those characteristics. Oh. My. Hooch. (as Christine would say). I did not fully grasp how hard it would be to actually write three positive characteristics about myself that are not completely shallow or semi-fluff. Um, I usually remember to take the trash out? I have nice eyes? Wait, no … I’ve got nothing.

Finally, after a lot of worried pacing across the living room (“Maybe I have no positive qualities, what then …”) I came up with this list.

• desire to learn – I am always searching for new information on topics that matter to me because of a desire to learn more.
• love of nature – I do my part to be as environmentally friendly as I can.
• passion – When I become interested in a topic I throw my whole self into it.

OK, next step is to list my goals. What three big, important goals do I have for the coming year. Since it is August, I’m not doing a Jan.-Dec. year plan for this. Instead, what three things do I want to have accomplished by next August.

• Increase my writing skills
• Get healthier over all by eating better and exercising more.
• Travel somewhere new and exciting.

Lastly, how do I want to be seen by the world? When my time comes, what do I want people to remember most about me and my life? The real stuff, the deep stuff, the honest stuff. In other words, who do I want to become?

• Someone who walks the walk and lived according to her principles
• Someone who faced her inner demons and stopped letting them make the rules
• Someone who saw farther than the immediate now and here

Tying it all together. OK, big breath …

I will always seek out more knowledge to be able to see the bigger picture of the world around me.

I will strive to make the world a better place, from the inside out. How I treat myself and the earth are connected, and should come from a place of love.

I will follow my passions and not be hindered by what others think.

I will grow. I will welcome growth, I will seek it out.

And there it is. Tomorrow I will print it out and hang it on the wall where I will see it every day. And I will remind myself to work towards it, every day, in what ever way I can.

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Summer is a freelance writer and mother of 3, searching for herself amongst the Legos and blocks. After moving a couple hundred miles away from home, and fighting a few dragons, she's figuring out that she needs to be her own biggest fan to get through the world.


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